As the worst week of my life comes to a close, I sit in my hotel room reflecting on the things I have learned. I spent the past couple weeks mentally and physically preparing for this week. I knew it was coming. My boss informed me I was going to have to travel for work for 10 days. I was requested to stay for 10 days straight. As my boss told me this, I immediately began to cry. He could not figure out what was wrong with me. I had never had an issue before with travel. I had always been so dependable and eager to take on new projects. I then reminded him that I was a new mommy. Immediately he understood (kudos to him for understanding). I did not get out of the travel, but I did manage to get permission to come home at least for the weekend. I was still an emotional wreck. I knew this was something I had to do. I have an amazing job that helps to provide very well for my family. I have an amazing boss and amazing co-workers, so this was something I was just going to have to embrace no matter how much it devastated me.
I spent the entire week before I left making sure everything was in order for daddy. I made sure all of Haddie's clothes were washed, she had plenty of Happy Haddie food stocked up, plenty of diapers, house was clean, etc. There was not a rock I left unturned (except that I forgot to grocery shop for the hubbs). As much as I prepared physically, mentally I was still terrified. I know what an amazing and loving husband I have, that never concerned me. I knew he would be there for all of her needs, but was he going to snuggle her exactly like I do? Was he going to wake up when she cried (because he never wakes up when I am there, lol). Was he going to make sure the door was closed so she would not get close to the stairs? I worried myself sick. I got myself so worked up that I don't even think I slept the night before I left. My husband kept telling me stop worrying, I got this.
The first night I was away, I could not get back to the hotel fast enough. I was in my room just sitting and waiting on my phone to ring. When they called and I saw her face, it felt like my heart was going to explode. She looked so happy sitting there with her daddy. He had everything under control. Snack was in hand and he was making her dinner. I had so many mixed emotions. I was so extremely grateful at how happy she looked (she kept glancing over at daddy), but I also had this sinking feeling in my heart that things were just fine there without me. Why did that hurt my feelings a little? Crazy, yes I know. It was I think, at that moment, I realized that I was married to a Rockstar. I never dreamed that I could love him any more then I already did, but the dedication and love he showed to our family and specifically our daughter made me love him even more.
As I am sitting here reflecting I can honestly say I have learned so much this week about myself and my husband. I learned that it is healthy for me to let go a little. I don't have to physically be away to leg go. I need to give my husband some of the responsibility with our daughter, because with that responsibility comes valuable time spent with her. This is time she needs with him and time that he needs with her. Every little girl needs her daddy and this experience has made me see that very clearly. It is not that he does not usually spend time with her, he does, but I am always there right over his shoulder scared something may go wrong. I need to stop that. What I also have seen is that daddy needs his little girl. He loves her with a special love that a mommy cannot give. Yes, I know, there is a love mommy gives that daddy cannot, but it is so evident that there is a bond with her and daddy that is different then what she has with me. So, moral of the story is, I know as mommies we try to take it all on. We think in our mind that no one can take care of baby as good as we can. We think we have to do it all, but in reality that is not the case. Daddies have their special way too and we are doing our babies a disservice by not allowing that special daddy bonding time.
In a nutshell, I learned this week that I am basically married to a Rockstar. I hate to brag ladies, but I won the husband lottery. Thank you honey for loving me, taking care of our family the way you do, and making our daughter feel like she is a Princess. She, and I, are the luckiest girls in the world. All little Princesses deserve a daddy like you <3 <3